Wednesday, December 31, 2008

endings and beginnings

With many Endings for 2008 and new beginnings for 2009

I really wish to end all of these.
Start from scratch.
All over again.
Pick up from where I have fallen.
Woken from the nightmare-cum-dream-like life..
Thus, a final goodbye from Dilobear,thank you for being with me..all these while..really appreciate it..with deepest sincerity...
...goodbye..

for the new year

video

for the new year...wishes..and...remembrance

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

good or bad..

there's sth to learn from every experience, whether it was a good or bad one,
and whether the lesson is good or bad, whether it has been good or bad...
but make the best of what u can..because it is a past and what we can do is to apply what we learn in the past for Future..!..simply..because everything happen for a reason..be it good or bad..

a poem i wish to share

Another fresh new year is here . . .
Another year to live!
To banish worry, doubt, and fear,
To love and laugh and give!
This bright new year is given me
To live each day with zest . . .
To daily grow and try to be
My highest and my best!
I have the opportunity
Once more to right some wrongs,
To pray for peace,
To have more faith
To plant a tree,
And sing more joyful songs!

A poem by..William Arthur Ward on new year..

Monday, December 29, 2008

jus explaining on previous post >>

With regards to the post on when.. my burmese blood calls on.. :
I actually have some explanation for it. Well, those who know me on a closer level usually find my love life puzzling. The first question they would always ask is why “BURMESE” buys, not just anyone but why the particular preferences for only Burmese. That is why I wrote to explain my thoughts and the call of Burmese blood in me. And I want to stress here that I am by no way desperate, I shall say again not desperate or anxious to find a bf or husband. If my posts have sent out wrong signal or have been meaning to portray such a negative side of me, then I must correct it here. Because on the contray of the message I am not trying to relay, I really would prefer and strongly wish for guys, in particular Burmese to stay away from me. This Dilo Bear me simply tend to attract the wrong type of guys who are in every way wrong for me. Of course the fault could have been mine entirely but whatever it is, the endings are still the same: they turn out to be in the category of true blue J-e-r-k-s!
So ya, I am just trying to be true to my feelings and baring what I feel pa.. ok?!?

invaluable untangible Values

Smile : Valuue 2ur face
Respect:Value 2ur Behaviour
Study:Value 2ur Future
Friendship:Value 2ur life
Love :Value 2ur heart..

Sunday, December 28, 2008

when.. my burmese blood calls on..

Some might not know, perhaps from the very Burmese.or Authentic-Asian-looking me, actually Dilo bear has a long Chinese heritage. Well, from paternal side; it would be 100% Chinese blood while there is a little tainted Burmese blood from maternal side. But whatever it is, my love for Burma (which is universally termed as Myanmar, still I rather this motherland of mine as Burma) is still growing strong. I don’t long for riches or wealth. Neither money nor gems appeal me. And education has neither destroyed my belief or desire to go back and help out my following countrymen.
To tell the truth, my love and strong desire to go back grows as the number of years I spent in this stressful and practical country of Singapore increase. I don’t know when and where this blood of mine calls for….
But if someone were to ask for my hand to grow old with him in his township, I would be more than willing to agree straight away.. and start packing for the journey. ..
Hee, so you see. Such is my strong passion…Anyway there are really..so so so much things to be done .. for the people, for the children, for the monks .. and most of all for the better of the motherland. ..
Well, I myself is a native of Bago(which is a small township, few kilometer away from the once prospering capital city of Yangon. I love Bago. For its smallness. For the pagodas. For the people. For the bustling crowds near the Train station…
When I was young, at a very tender age, I have been to Hin-thar-dah township when my mother was posted to teach at their local university for a year. Those were the happiest moments of my life. I found country side appealing and the honesty of the locals very attractive. From that time onwards, at such young age, I vowed myself to marry the local or if fate allows, would like to spend some part of my life there. Those moments I wish to paint out in words..but they are simply..beyond what I could ever describe. ….>>those happy moments with the sis..i can call as my own..in teh campus of Hin-thar-dah Colleage<<

Subsequently, I got the chance to visit Shan state which includes Inlay and Taungyi some years back. That experience was what I would like to
I believe somehow somewhen..i would be ..dear motherland..and take resident at your site..please believe me..
...Even though its a very slim chance..and I might never get to settle down with any local burmese boy..still..I will come..please wait for me..cause I believe that..somehow..we will be united..once again..my beloved Hin-thar-dah..my beloved Bago..my motherland..Burma....

Saturday, December 27, 2008

although...then again..

quoted from..Gilda Radner:
I wanted a perfect ending.
Now I've learned, the hard way,....
that some poems don't rhyme, and
some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end.
Life is about not knowing, having to change,
taking the moment and making the best of it,
without knowing what's going to happen next.
Delicious Ambiguity...

wow..!a quote that simply took my breathe away...

Friday, December 26, 2008

Often, the first step is the hardest, but then after that rest assure that things will get going..


The picture is curtesy of someone's magical shot..on flickr
Thank you for letting me use it..its reali magical!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

wishing..

*
**
May
love & joy
envelope you
this season and
May warm & happy
Memories bring peace to you
May good health & happiness
Reside with you for now and always
Wishing you a very ..happy..Merry
Christmas
and a VERY HAPPY brand NEW 2009

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

when it rains..

The weather here in Singapore is either raining, sunshiny or cloudy..
But then what is different from past years is that there have been a lot of rain in the month of November and December..
Rain brought with it, the coldness, the remembrance..and the missing feeling..although I quite like rainy days and it really is a good feeling when you are in the comfort of your house, with a mug of hot chocolate and a good book while the rain pours outside. ...despite that..,,somehow...i wishes..for that someone..to be with that someone..so that we can cuddle together on the couch and enjoy the warmth and fuzzy feeling together…. In warmth, in cozyness..in much love..
sharing a lovely song..i heard last night..somehow..it seems..this song is so suitable to hear during rainy days..
to think of the past..to be reminded of the losses..
Unlucky in Love (A chit a twat kan ma kaung khae thu)
- Yone Lay + L.Sai Ze

in deed...Life is like a rainbow. .we need both the sun and the rain to make its colors appear...
cheers to the rainy days..before the approach of sunny ones..

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

ho ho ho

wonder who wrote it..
its forwarded from email..
have a good laugh..

Latest Christmas carol for 2008
(Rhyme: Santa Claus is coming to town)

You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town
It's hitting you once
It's hitting you twice
It doesn't care if you've been careful and wise
Recession is coming to town
It's worthless if you've got shares
It's worthless if you've got bonds
It's safe when you've got cash in hand
So keep cash for goodness sake,
HEYYou'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town
Finance products are confusing
Finance products are so vague
The banks make you bear the cost of risk
So keep out for goodness sake,
OHYou'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:Recession is coming to town

Monday, December 22, 2008

may all lovers apart be united

Hope that all lovers..living apart..can be united..soon!

My favourite songs:
Enjoy..~

Chinese Version
Title : Tong Hua
Artist : Guang Liang

---------------------------------------------
English Translation :
Tong Hua (Fairy Tale)

I forgot how long was it
Since I last heard you
Telling me your favourite story
I have been thinking for a very long time
I m begining to feel paranoid
Did I make any mistakes again?
You came and tell me with the tears in your eyes
That fairytales are all lies
It's impossible for me to be your prince charming
Maybe you will not understand
After the moment when you said you loved me
The stars in my sky, are begining to shine and shimmer
I'm willing to be, in the fairytales
The angel you love
Open my arms wide
And let it become wings to protect you
You have to believe
Believe that we will be like the fairytale
With happiness and joy as the ending

~

Burmese Version
Title : Min A Nar Shi Nay Sin (Wishing you were near me)
Artist : R Zarni :



---------------------------------------------
English Translation :
Min A Nar Shi Nay Sin (Wishing you were near me)


Those times we have spent together in the past
Whenever I thought back of these memorie, I feel like being near you
Among the strangers, I am here..working hard towards our goal
I have to go far away leaving you behind
I hope that I can trust you and leaving u in peace
Please believe me, have faith in me, believe that we shall meet someday
And that our goal will be fulfilled
When I am far away from you,
my eyes are only filled with you, thoughts of you during those time we are far apart
If my feelings are true and sincere, I hope that my wishes will come true
And that you will be here with me by my side

keep on ...

There's gonna be many things in life that are going to make it hard for you to smile,
but through all you see, all you feel,
all the rain and all the pain,
all the darkness and all the sacrifices,
you have to keep your sense of humor and
keep on smiling. ..keep moving on.. keep striving for better

After a while, there will come to a point that..you just can't cry anymore.
can't pine anymore, can't hurt anymore, can't regret anymore..
You just have to believe that what happens is what's supposed to happen,
and, well,
you can't change that, even if you tried. ..no matter how hard you tried..how much you wanted..
So just dry the tears, and have faith..
hope that tomorrow and days to come in future..will be better days...
letting go in a way ..is a good thing..afterall..!

the above is written by my bestie..thanks goes to her.!
Missy, u r such a sweetie pie...

Sunday, December 21, 2008

some thoughts of mine

Dilo bear wishes somehow that she has the capability of what most women have - - the art of seduction, which we call in Burmese as “MAYA”, or which we term as “诱惑 (you huo)” in Chinese. Nevertheless Dilo bear is proud to admit that she is a plain jane who neither knows how to dress up nor attracts the one that she likes. All she knows is giving what she can which of course many a times HE doesn’t need or wanted. She is willingly to do anything, anything to make him safe, healthy and most of all happy. Thus in her believe, sacrifices she have made are worthy to do so. Perhaps it is in her nature to give. And it was never in her character to force or drove people to desperation.
....But then it is hard to be a good person.. It is even harder …To take the blame and ask for forgiveness. To forgive in spite of being the innocent party. To give her blessing and wishes when she herself is in pain. To let go when all she ever wanted is just the opposite. To forget and live on as if nothing has happened.

>>these are what i often felt..its just that never really has the chance to pen down my thoughts...just something i wish to keep in this site forever so that even after many years later, i will be able to read and laugh back at all the sillyness and innoncent thoughts of mine :P

Friday, December 19, 2008

With remembrance

Sometime, we can't help but get flashes of memory of the past..
When you love something or someone, there is no need to possess them, time and again, ...
Afterall..in my belief, Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you have had even for a little while, the things you never want to lose. ..
Everyone of us has a book of life..and in it, there

Enjoy this lovely song..on getting flashes back of the past love..
By:
LAY PHYU
from this new album "Bay Of Bengal" , CD mp3 version was released on 10 December, 2008 more songs can be downloaded from HERE
song title: "page 15"

And a poem (not sure of the original poet but it is DEfinitely not written by me)..this poem..I like to share..coz..in a way I could link to it ..much.....
No more dreams of warm hands and soft eyes,
No more reality of getting hugged and kissed on forehead,
No more hopes of gentle wishes or talks in the night.
The realization of losing you is slow sinking in.
I never wanted it to be my fault,
Neither do I want to blame you,
So why do I feel like it is,
when things turn out this way?
I always wanted someone who could make me happy,
I yearned for someone to make me feel loved.
I longed to care for someone,
To love him wholeheartedly,
Making him center of my life,
Give him the best I can,
And I received all these useless questions,
Which the answers to we don't know.
All left to this pointless wonder.
I don't mean this to make you feel guilty,
It's just that I don't know what to say.
I never expected to ever lose you,
Especially when I realise that love for you is there all these while,
It hit me like a slap in the face.
This reality which I have to face,
But I hope you know that I still love you. ..

Thursday, December 18, 2008

connection..

I found this place by chance..A place to connect parents..with the child they have lost :
This site..offers jewelry to help mothers feel connected to their little ones, to have a tangible something to touch and give them strength when they need it most. When the rest of the world goes on like nothing has ever happened, sometimes the grieving mother needs that extra something special to hold onto that carries her baby's memory with her, where ever she goes.

not having chosen to have

More letters...
A Letter to the Child We've Chosen Not to Have
Learning to forgive myself
I am not sure if these are fiction or not..but after reading them, I believe that they give one a pause ..to think that every woman who has had an abortion has - at least - has given a thought to, all the "What if . . .!?"

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

how would they have felt??

This post ss Dedicated To The Memory Of All The Aborted Babies Throughout The World. ...
I can’t remember from where and which site ..I found this letter but I post it to here, because ..it seems..that abortion is like double edge sword..which can be painful experience for both the mother and the child..
...It’s a fact that I am such a sucker for KIDs and that my love for children is so well known among my frens.. and when I saw such things..I cant help but wishing somehow that there is a way to stop this.. áll this pain and unnecessary sorrow and hurts..


because I believe that being a female myself..even after years have intervened, a woman cannot and will not be able to forget the life that her decision took..
~ * ~

Dear Mommy,
I am in Heaven now...
I so wanted to be your little girl.
I don't quite understand what has happened.
I was so excited when I began realizing my existence.
I was in a dark, yet comfortable place. I saw I had fingers and toes.
I was pretty far along in my developing, yet not near ready to leave my surroundings.
I spent most of my time thinking or sleeping. Even from my earliest days, I felt a special bonding between you and me. Sometimes I heard you crying and I cried with you.
Sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry.
I heard Daddy yelling back. I was sad, and hoped you would be better soon.
I wondered why you cried so much. One day you cried almost all of the day.
I hurt for you. I couldn't imagine why you were so unhappy. That same day, the most horrible thing happened.
A very mean monster came into that warm, comfortable place I was in.
I was so scared, I began screaming, but you never once tried to help me.
Maybe you never heard me.
The monster got closer and closer as I was screaming and screaming, "Mommy, Mommy, help me please; Mommy, help me." Complete terror is all I felt.
I screamed and screamed until I thought I couldn't anymore.
Then the monster started ripping my arms off.
It hurt so bad; the pain I can never explain. It didn't stop. Oh, how I begged it to stop. I screamed in horror as it ripped my leg off.Though I was in such complete pain, I was dying.
I knew I would never see your face or hear you say how much you love me.
I wanted to make all your tears go away.
I had so many plans to make you happy.
Now I couldn't; all my dreams were shattered.
Though I was in utter pain and horror, I felt the pain of my heart breaking, above all. I wanted more than anything to be your daughter.
No use now, for I was dying a painful death.
I could only imagine the terrible things that they had done to you.
I wanted to tell you that I love you before I was gone, but I didn't know the words you could understand. And soon, I no longer had the breath to say them; I was dead.
I felt myself rising. I was being carried by a huge angel into a big beautiful place.
I was still crying, but the physical pain was gone.
The angel took me away to a wonderful place...
Then I was happy. I asked the angel what was the thing was that killed me.
He answered, "Abortion". I am sorry, for I know how it feels."
I don't know what abortion is; I guess that's the name of the monster.
I'm writing to say that I love you and to tell you how much I wanted to be your little girl. I tried very hard to live. I wanted to live. I had the will, but I couldn't; the monster was too powerful. It sucked my arms and legs off and finally got all of me.
It was impossible to live. I just wanted you to know I tried to stay with you.
I didn't want to die. Also, Mommy, please watch out for that abortion monster.
Mommy, I love you and I would hate for you to go through the kind of pain I did. Please be careful. Please don’t let what happen to me happen to you.Love,Your Baby Girl




~ * ~

Dear Baby,

Ten years ago yesterday, I carried you beneath my heart.
Ten years ago today, I stopped the beating of your heart.
I, your mother, the one who gave you life, also gave you death.
It's been a decade and still my blood runs cold and I catch my breath whenever I hear the word 'abortion.' There's an emptiness inside of me that can never be filled, a chill that has never quite been warmed, a grief that will never end.
To me you will forever remain an unfinished song, a flower that never bloomed, a sunrise clouded by rain.
Even during your last fragile moments of life, I wondered, 'Is my baby a boy or a girl?'.
The question ran through my mind again and again as I tried to block out the sickening sounds of you being suctioned from my womb and from my life. I seemed to have a burning need to know whether I would have had a son or a daughter, yet somehow I couldn't bear to ask such an indelicate question of the doctor who stood smiling above me. Instead, I simply nodded in defeat and sadness as this man in white patted my trembling hand and said, 'Now - aren't you glad it's all over?'
As I lay there drowning in my own blood, tears and sweat, I could hear the nurses chattering about coworkers, new cars and clothes.
To these people, the extermination of your life was simply a job - 'making a living by destroying the living.' To those gathered in that sunny room in Philadelphia 10 years ago, it was just another day. To me, it was the darkest day I had ever known.
'The Abortion' - the most heart-wrenching, terrible experience I had suffered through in my 18 years; certainly the most painful experience suffered by you in your three short months. It has taken me all these years to get over it.
Now - as my eyes fill with tears, I realize that this is something I will never 'get over.' That fateful April day has replayed itself over and over in my mind like a horror movie one forces oneself to watch, then can never forget. ...
Even in my distraught state of mind, I knew that there were other choices. I was simply too scared to consider the alternatives. Still a child myself, I 'wasn't ready' to be a mother. What I didn't realize then was that I already was a mother. You became my child at the moment of conception; my love for you began when your life began, and although your life ended, that love has never died.
Your silent screams have awakened me from sleep many times over the years, and I have lain in the dark and mourned the loss of the baby I killed. There have even been times when I've contemplated ending my own life as I ended yours.
It's been 10 years and still I haven't forgiven myself. Have you forgiven me? Has God forgiven me for destroying a being created by Him?
I've had many nightmares through the years. Scenes of a tiny fetus in a trash bag haunt my subconscious. I've awakened in a cold sweat, again feeling the excruciating pain of that long-ago day. I recall the intense physical pain of the abortion - but those 10 minutes of hurt were nothing compared to the 10 years of pain I've lived with since.
For years my heart has ached to write you this letter, but whenever I attempted to put my feelings into words, I found the blank pages covered with tears rather than with ink. For some reason, though, tonight was different. ...
Perhaps this letter was meant to be written in order to help others to avoid the agony I experienced, to help other young girls 'in trouble,' as I was 10 years ago, to realize that there are alternatives to abortion. ...
If this letter prevents even one abortion, it will have served a purpose. But Baby, my purpose in sending this letter to you is to let you know that I love you - whoever you are. And I'm sorry.

Love,
Mommy
>> this second letter is taken from the church in fort collins organisation

Monday, December 15, 2008

high up in the sky

hanging gloriously..with its bright and luminous light..is the FULL round moon.. on this month 12th and 13th 2008...
a rare sight indeed to be caught..
a fren of mine mailed me this pix which he took on the 14th...according to him, it seems that we can even see the lonely little rabbit on the moon, if we zoom in...


I personally prefer moon to sun..
coz the moon is more soothing and easy on eyes..
moonbathing is much better than being under the sun..
feel more safe and secure, with much comfort..


anyway here is a song about the moon which is a favourite of mine :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
La Min Lay (little Moon 小月亮) By Rzarni




I am going to sing a song of “without the little moon”
>
Little moon, I am missing you
Don’t you know, how I feel?
My love, every night u came troubling me
Every little second I can’t forget you
All these agonies are because of you
>
When you are not around, I am so loss
Your love is so puzzling to me, I really don’t know what to do with it
When you are not by my side, I don’t know how to pass time
Just like that, as simple as that.. because I love you
>
Little moon, I love you the most
Please don’t hide away or go away from me
My thoughts are tuned into loving you
I will always love you, my mind is so full of you
My love for you is so extreme that it drives me mad
>
When you are not around, I am so loss
Your love is so puzzling to me, I really don’t know what to do with it
When you are not by my side, I don’t know how to pass time
Just like that, simply because I love you
>
Put aside your hatred, and stand in my shoes, and look at me
Don’t say those parting words
What will you choose my love: Love or hate?
My little shawdow..
>
Always, …when you are not around, I am so loss
Just like that, Just like that, I love you the most..
Where are you.. where are you my love?
>
When you are not by my side, I don’t know how to pass time
Just like that, Just like that, simply because..
I love you..

Sunday, December 14, 2008

when things change..

How true is it that...
Sometimes the littlest thing in life.. changes something forever and there will be times when you wish you can go back to how things used to be but you just can't because things have changed so much .. that nothing can be done to salvage or atone for them ..
Such is the cruelity in life..wonders..of ways of life ..isn't it?

Friday, December 12, 2008

when a baby die..

..will he/she become angle in heaven? or..will they have to pay for the sins and mistakes of the two selfish souls who produced him/her?