so u think u are clever?

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,... 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger,
'What would you like to talk about?''Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. '
How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.
'OK,' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence,
thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?

If you love someone,Set her free,...

THE ORIGINAL QUOTE-->
If you love someone,Set her free...If she comes back, she's yours,If she doesn't, she never was.....

THE NEW VERSIONS ARE-->
Pessimist:
If you love someone,Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, she's yours, If she doesn't, as expected, she never was

Optimist:
If you love someone,Set her free ...
Don't worry, she will come back.

Suspicious:
If you love someone,Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, ask her why.

Impatient:
If you love someone,Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back within some time forget her.

Patient:
If you love someone, Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back,continue to wait until she comes back ...

Playful:
If you love someone,Set her free ...
If she comes back, and if you love her still,set her free again, repeat ....

C++ Programmer:
if(you-love( m_she))m_she.free()
if(m_she == NULL)m_she = new CShe;

Animal-Rights Activist:
If you love someone,Set her free,
In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!

Lawyers:
If you love someone,Set her free,
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the Second Amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom

Biologist :
If you love someone,Set her free,
She'll evolve.

Statisticians :
If you love someone,Set her free,
If she loves you, the probability of her comingback is high
If she doesn't, your relation was improbableanyway.

Over possessive person :
If you love someonedon't set her free.

MBA :
If you love someone set her free instantaneously and look for others simultaneously

Psychologist :
If you love someone set her free
If she comes back her super ego is dominant
If she doesn't come back her id is supreme
If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.

ERP functional expert :
If you love someone set her free
If she comes back, map her into your system
If she doesn't, carry out a gap-fit analysis

Finance expert :
If you love someone set her free
If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans
If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.

Marketing Specialist :
If you love someone set her free
If she comes back she has brand loyalty
If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new market But before i leave...Here, i SAVE the Last Dance for You

which 4 letter words ? :P

4 - Letter words?

A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
”Well", said her mother, "so how was the honeymoon?""Oh mama"' she replied, "The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic"...
suddenly she burst out crying.” But, mama, as soon as we returned,
Sam started using the most horrible language -- things I'd never heard before!
I mean all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to take me home! Please mama!"Sarah, Sarah", her mother said, "calm down!
You need to stay with your husband and work this out.
Now, tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?""Please don't make me tell you mama," wept the daughter.
I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! Come get me, please!""Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset.
Tell your mother these horrible words!"Sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mama...,
he used words like: dust, wash, iron, and cook..."

*******

ps:

to those who has little faith in moi..

hey..dun belittle me k? i can cook..,well..limitation goes to certain dishes..

iron clothes, wash..even with bare hands..i can lor..well..undies i mean :P

and dust too..with vacuum cleaner of coz.. :P

so anyone out there...looking for a maid ?...hehe *lolz*

miss call!

Missed Call

Tom and Sam got tired using cell phones and for a changedecided to use really ancient methods of communication.They decided to use pigeons to send messages.So they went and bought expensive carrier pigeons from the market in old Delhiand found to their joy that the pigeons indeed could be trained and the birds very easilylearnt to return directly to their respective homes. And so this scheme worked very fine.One day Sam sends his pigeon.When the pigeon reaches to Tom it is with out message.Tom picked his mobile and asked Sam "What is this joke? The pigeon is without any message!!!"Sam said "Oye khotey, this was a missed call."

********

com-for-ta-ble

Its Monday once again..
A start of a brand new week and also the last day of the month!
endings and beginnings..in a week..
anyway hope that its a good start!
have..a goodie laugh

=D



Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.
In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister,
"When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After buying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says,
"I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left.

She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable".

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, "comfortable?''The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it slow. - - - -("com-for-da-bul" )

anger Management (ONE)

For those who would like to vent anger and yet due to restricting environment you might be in, I think this website might be of GREAT interest to you :D
http://www.counterfeitmini.com/main.swf
This link is from the curtesy of Uncle Lay. thank you ...much naw..
Even though I don't believe in slapping anyone, be it guy or gal, still, it sure seems fun to do so.. virtually!!! isn't it? :P

just to find out if u are...

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director
do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer ateaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor.

"A normal person would use thebucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, " A normal person would pull the plug. Do youwant a bed near the window?"

:p

AuToMaTiC eMaiL RePLy MeSsaGeS

On this bluey blacky Monday..
This is what I would like to create in order to avoid replying mails
:P *bleh*

AuToMaTiC eMaiL RePLy MeSsaGeS>>>

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get theposition. Be prepared for my mood.

2. I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

3. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office.If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

4. Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.

5. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until Ireturn from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in theorder it was received.

Is English that tough to understand?

Although English maybe used internationally around the world, it sure is hard to cross the Language Barrier!
Following message has been nominated for the best email of 2005!
If you can, try to Read This Out Loud..to get the full effect!!!

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia , which was recorded and published.

Room Service (RS) : "Morrin. ; Roon sirbees."
Guest (G) : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
RS : " Rye ..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??"
G : "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."

RS : "Ow July den?"
G : "What??"

RS : "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"
G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."

RS : "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"
G : "Crisp will be fine."

RS : "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"
G : "What?"

RS : "An toes. July Sahn toes?"
G : "I don't think so."

RS : "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"
G : "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

RS : "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"
G : "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS : "We bodder?"
G : "No...just put the bodder on the side."

RS : "Wad! ?"
G : "I mean butter...just put it on the side."

RS : "Copy?"
G : "Excuse me?"

RS : "Copy...tea...meel?"
G : "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."

RS : "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy.... rye??"
G : "Whatever you say."

RS : "Tenjewberrymuds."
G : "You're very welcome."

~"~

hm..coz my days has been such a mess..feel like..having some joy loaded..into me..ahhe :P

Thermodynamics?of HELL?

The following is a short story which was forwarded from a Friend..sure is funny..the way the student try to explain logically for something which seem unexplanable..:P

~ Thermodynamics of Hell ~

The following is one of Dr. Schalmbaugh's Final Test questions for May 1997. (Dr. Schalmbaugh, University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering is known for asking questions such as this on his final exams.)

May 1997, Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II Final Exam Question:
"Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with truth.''
___________________________________________________________________

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving?

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant.

Case 1: If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.

Case 2: If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Theresa Banyan during my freshman year, "it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then case 2 cannot be true.

Thus, hell is exothermic."

The student, Tim Graham, got the only A.

World's shortest essay...!!

This is a story of a 16 year old boy from New Hampshire who won the Worlds's shortest essay competition.He was awarded a scholarship at the University of Harvard for hisImagination and humor ....Here's an example of absoluteBrilliance....Shortest Essay:

An English university creative writing class was asked to write aConcise essay containing the following elements:

1.Religion, 2.Royalty, 3.Sex, 4.Mystery

And

-

-

-

-

-

The prize winner wrote:

"My God!" said the Queen in distress, "I'm pregnant. I wonder who the father is.?!?"
~

is he simply stupid or ..clever?

IT IS NOT A STORY BUT A TRUE INCIDENT THAT
HAPPENED IN
AMERICA?????!!!!!!!!

A Saudi man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

He tells the loan officer that he is going to Saudi on business for two weeks

and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan,

so the Saudi man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.

The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Saudi
for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the Saudi returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes
to $15.41. The loan officer says, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000''
The Saudi replies: 'Where else in New York City can I park my precious car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return.

ops..what a way to park your precious car :P

stupid`qs..and great ans :P

1. At the movies:

When you meet acquaintances/ friends.. .
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:-Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..

2. In the bus:
A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...

Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.. ...why don't you try again.

3. At a funeral:
One of the teary-eyed people ask...

Stupid Question:-Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:-Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant:
When you ask the waiter

Stupid Question:-Is the special dish "xxx" good??
Answer:-No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement.
We occassionaly also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together:
When some distant aunt meets you after years...

Stupid Question:-hey gal, you've become so big.put on weight eh ?:P
Answer:-Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...

Stupid Question:-Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:-No,he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout...it's just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...

Stupid Question:-Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:-No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:-Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:-No, its autumn and I'm shedding.... ..

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:-No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...
Stupid Question:-Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:-Gosh, it's a miracle .......it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!

letter to take leave

ENJOY :D

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people knowing thodi bahut angreji. English is a funny language.

1.
A student's leave letter:
"As I am suffering from my uncle's marriage I cannot attend the class...."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------2.
A candidate's application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist And an accountant - Male or Female'...
As I am both for the past Several years and I can handle both;
I am applying for the post."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------- 3.
I.T.I., Lahore:
An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife.
Please sanction me one-week leave.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------- 4.
Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clocks and I may not return,
please grant me half day casual leave"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------- 5.
A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache.
I request you to leave me today"
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------- 6.
An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------7.
Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
As my headache is paining,
please grant me leave for the day.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------- 8.
A covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------
9.
From H.A.L. Administration dept:
As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it,
Please grant me 10 days leave.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------- 10.
Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and
as I am her only husband At home I may be granted leave".
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------- 11.
Letter writing:
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------- 12.
Another gem from I.T.I. Leave-letter from an employee who was Performing his daughter's wedding:
"As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.

cheers to WOMEN drivers!coz..we rox..

The Top 10 Contestants For The 2007 Women Drivers
Award 10th Place Goes to:

9th Place Goes To:

8th Place Goes To:

7th Place Goes To:

6th Place Goes To:

5th Place Goes To:

4th Place Goes To:

The Bronze Medal Winner:

The Silver Medal Winner:

Her helmet is being worn backwards .....

and finally, here is our 2007Women Drivers Awards

*** Gold Medal Winner ***
WOW ! ! How the heck...?!? Oh never mind...

CONGRATULATIONS ! !

This concludes the 2007 Women Drivers Awards Ceremony.

Thank you to all contestants for giving us all a reason to laugh & smile

Women drivers..ROCKS>>>

Anna Kournikova without Skirt........

its

fantastic

……………….

Scroll Down

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What did you expect?

:P

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

in time of desperation during maths exam!!! :P

to motivate thyself

cheers to self motivation!!!!

just wait a sec pls..

A man was praying to god.
He said, "God?"
God responded, "Yes?"
And the Guy said, "Can I ask a question?"
"Go right ahead", God said.
"God, what is a million years to you?"
God said, "A million years to me is only a second."
The man wondered.
Then he asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?"
God said, "A million dollars to me is a penny."
So the man said, "God can I have a penny?"
And God cheerfully said,
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
"Sure!...... .just wait a second."


Oh My GOD :)

Driving Styles---(Superb!!)

One Hand On Steering Wheel, One Hand Out Of Window…

You Are in SYDNEY …

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

One Hand On Steering Wheel, One Hand On Horn…

You Are in JAPAN …

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

One Hand On Steering Wheel, One Hand On Newspaper, Foot Solidly On Accelerator…

You Are in BOSTON …

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

Both Hands On Steering Wheel, Eyes Shut, Both Feet On Brake, Quivering In Terror

You Are in NEW YORK …

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***

Both Hands In Air, Gesturing, Both Feet On Accelerator, Head Turned To Talk To Someone In Back Seat…

You Are in ITALY …